when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
