also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
