1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
