yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize