All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
