Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize