I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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