is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
