you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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