I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
