I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
