Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
