so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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