honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
