I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
bring money and cleavage
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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