I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
