Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
