I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Congratulations! We have a period
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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