Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
