turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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