when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
