God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize