im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Who died my cat blue again?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
