Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
