I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize