she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
