So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
