Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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