omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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