My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
