After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
