is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize