if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Welp...herpes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
