but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
