CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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