your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've blown a few things in my day
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
