Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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