I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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