He felt like a one man threesome
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize