i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
