jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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