Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
