Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
