You made me cry and you don't even care
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
