I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
