so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
