Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I forget how to act sober
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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