Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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