I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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