I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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