why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize