I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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