god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
