Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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