I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
