Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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