Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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