My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
