I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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