I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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