She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
