What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
