Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
