he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
