Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize