I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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