My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
