My nipple is on Facebook.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
