I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
