Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
