I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
