Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
