My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
