i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
