Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize