I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
