Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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