my phone needs a breathalizer
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
