i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
pray to the hookup gods
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
