im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
