So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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