he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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