you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
