She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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