No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
