I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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