Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
