She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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