Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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