Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
