Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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