I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
