i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
