don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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