i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
