Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize