i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
