You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
