come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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