If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
