Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize